Express yourself... I can't

The difficulties of being unable to express myself SUCKS!!!!!!
There I said it! No the romance of France hasn’t worn off but simply realizing that I have to wake up to the equivalent of bad breath in the morning (a husband or wife) has set in right alongside the beauty. Reality! Noooooo!! I wasn’t ready for you yet!
Speaking in simple sentences while fumbling every other syllable has gotten old. Some of the romance of learning a language has faded…
But, it gets resuscitated when ‘curious cute girls’ sit next to me and hear my American accent. ;) Then, tou va bien! Ca fait du bien! 
I am being a little dramatic because it’s not that bad but reality has arrived. I can’t say that I fully underestimated the experience but there is only so much I can know while being on the outside looking in. It’s better this way. I, like jazz, live in the unknown and enjoy the ‘pressure’ ‘improvisation’ but now it’s time to develop my voice!
I have made it a point not to be afraid of speaking, NO MATTER WHAT! Even in crowds, even if I know I will mis-pronounce something, it’s necessary that I keep trying and putting myself out there. Like today, a fellow classmate and I ate lunch together (her name is Emily and she’s from Texas, who knew that so many Texans loved French and anything besides Texas ) and 3 French students sat at our table. And well, a conversation began and it seemed like the words were flowing like water albeit I had some mishaps in pronunciation. I’m grateful for those opportunities. They said that we spoke well so I guess some work is paying off. Voila!